Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
