Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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