We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
