Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
