I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
