I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
