what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
