It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
