I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
