Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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