All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
