at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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