I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
