Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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