she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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