Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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