I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
