were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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