she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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