I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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