I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
