I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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