i need an iv and a liver transplant
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
