If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize