Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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