I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
