I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
