did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
