ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
