I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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