a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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