sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
