my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
