Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
