you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
