Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
