I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
