When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
