so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
