I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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