He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
