I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bring me that man meat
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
