i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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