How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
