That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
