no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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