I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
