I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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