i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
