You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
