I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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