God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
