so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
