the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
only if we run a train.
done.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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