FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
