My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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