i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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