Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
