I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think my moral compass just broke
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