paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
