Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
