im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
