so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
