We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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