I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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