I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
