I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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