dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
