I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
