Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
