I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
