I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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