I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
