I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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