I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
