No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
