I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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