what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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