I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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