I think I won the penis lottery.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
