I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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