He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
