you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
