If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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