you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize