to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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