hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
