i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
