every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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