My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
