My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
