Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
