Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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