i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
