I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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