Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize