Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
