He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
