I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
