I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
