yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
