I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
