I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
