I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize